


If You're Lucky

by Sproid



Category: due South
Genre: Angst, Did I Mention The Kissing?, Emotions, First Kiss, Fluff, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 07:39:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sproid/pseuds/Sproid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This year's Christmas party is better than the last, but even so, Ray can tell that Fraser isn't exactly having the time of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You're Lucky

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Если тебе повезет](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4645332) by [goldkhator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldkhator/pseuds/goldkhator)



This year’s Christmas party is better than last year’s, thank goodness. Ray’s spent the entire month working extra hard to keep Fraser away from mob bosses, and it’s paid off, no split lip or ugly bruises to deal with this time around. Not only that, but he even managed to get Fraser to go change before the party started as well, so instead of the uniform, Fraser’s in jeans and a festive red-and-green checked shirt.

 

Festive shirts should look even more ridiculous than the uniform, but Fraser manages to look good in his anyway, because the world is an unfair place like that. Ray doesn’t care too much right now though. There’s food, there’s drink, there’s Fraser having some of both and talking to people without sending Ray too many ‘Help!’ looks, all of which Ray counts as Things which begin with Good.

 

Still, as the evening wears on, Ray can tell that Fraser’s not exactly having the time of his life. He’s smiling, sure, but the more things liven up, the less relaxed Fraser gets. Ray keeps an eye on him and hopes he’ll settle into it, but instead Fraser starts drawing in on himself like he’s not too keen on being around people anymore. He’s clutching that plastic cup in front of him like a shield. Like he does with his hat, actually, but plastic are no way near as strong as Mountie hats. When Huey and Dewey go over to Fraser to do a nudge-nudge wink-wink routine aimed at the mistletoe that Thatcher’s standing under, Ray isn’t surprised to hear the cup crumple in Fraser’s hands. 

 

Putting his own drink down, Ray heads for Elaine. “Hey, Elaine, you wanna do me a favour?”

 

Elaine turns a suspicious look on him. 

 

Ray nods towards where Fraser’s still trapped between the duo, and counts on her to understand. “Distract those two so I can get Fraser outta here?”

 

Suspicion fades, and Elaine nods. “Yeah. Go on, take him home.”

 

Just like always, Elaine’s as good as her word. Ray sneaks Fraser out while Huey and Dewey try - and fail - to juggle the oranges that Elaine throws at them.

 

In the parking lot though, Ray takes a proper look at Fraser, and realises that he doesn’t look any better for being away from it all. He’s not holding himself as stiffly now, but that turns out not to be the improvement Ray was hoping for. It’s like being tense was all that was holding Fraser together. Now he’s got his head down and his shoulders hunched up, hands deep in his pockets, and he doesn’t say a single thing to Ray as they walk to the car. When he notices Ray looking at him, he manages to smile, but it’s like he just doesn’t have the energy to try properly though, because it’s gone before he looks away again.

 

That’s very not like Fraser. It’s kinda worrying Ray. 

 

“Hey, Fraser, you alright?”

 

Over the top of the car, Fraser meets his eyes. This time, the smile lasts longer, and Ray wishes it didn’t, because it’s as sad a smile as he’s ever seen Fraser give him. Then Fraser gets into the car, and leaves Ray to follow, wondering what’s got Fraser so down, and how the hell he managed to miss whatever it is.

 

The roads are quiet, Fraser quieter to the point of not saying anything, which gives Ray the chance to try and work it out. He doesn’t get very far though, other than to decide that no way is he taking Fraser back to the consulate to spend the rest of the evening by himself. 

 

When they go left instead of right, Fraser draws his gaze away from where he’s been staring out of the side window. “Ray, this isn’t the way to the consulate.”

 

“Nope,” Ray agrees. Fraser had sounded a bit more normal just then, so Ray goes with it, hoping to coax some more out. “I figured we’d go back to mine, seeing as I’ve got all the cool stuff. Y’know, beer, pizza, TV.” They pull up to a stoplight, and Ray turns to wink at Fraser. “My landlady even put up mistletoe this morning, I might let you plant one on me if you’re lucky.”

 

He figures that’ll get him an amused reprimand, maybe followed by a lesson on the origins of the traditions of mistletoe, something they can both laugh about. He’s dead wrong. Instead Fraser’s hands, which had just started to relax, tighten on his thighs, and his face shuts right down. 

 

For a moment, he looks right at Ray with a scarily blank expression, before he shuts his eyes and turns away. “Don’t -” he says, and cuts himself off sharply, head falling back on the seat.

 

For a few seconds, Ray can’t find anything to say, has to shake his head while his brain tries to catch up with his instincts. Then he gets his scrambled thoughts together enough to ask, “Don’t what, Fraser?” 

 

Hands tight on the wheel, he waits. Fraser’s silent for so long that Ray thinks he isn’t going to answer. Then, voice hoarse and tired, he does. 

 

“Don’t tease, Ray. Not tonight.”

 

Ray gets it then, or he thinks he does, he’s kinda going off not a whole lot here other than the fact that Fraser’s way out of whack all of a sudden for no reason that’s obvious. Everything’s clicking into place though; Fraser’s spent an evening surrounded by people he knows but doesn’t really _know_ , and then Huey and Dewey started teasing him about the mistletoe, and then Ray took him away from it all which didn’t make it better. Which means that Fraser isn’t just fed up, isn’t just tired, he’s _lonely_ , crap, how did Ray not see that before now?

 

And then Ray realises that not only did he manage to miss that, but that he probably hasn’t been helping things lately, what with the flirting and the hints and stuff that he’s been giving out. There he was thinking that Fraser was picking up on them, but apparently not, he’s probably just been confusing Fraser even more. Hell, if Fraser’s “Don’t tease,” is anything to go by, he’s really made a mess of things.

 

Before he’s even properly finished thinking through all of that, he comes out with, “Wasn’t teasing, Fraser.”

 

The sharp snort, and weary way Fraser lifts his head, spell out just how much Fraser does not believe him.

 

“I mean it,” Ray says. Willing Fraser to listen, he tries to hold Fraser’s gaze in the dim glow of the stoplight, and wishes they had more than just that to see each other by. “Look, when I said it, I was mostly kidding, you’re right. But only because I didn’t know if you’d go for that - for me.”

 

There’s enough light for him to see scepticism start to fade from Fraser’s face, painfully cautious hope creeping in over it. He hopes that Fraser’s eyes are better than his, that Fraser can see how much Ray means every word he’s saying right now, because he doesn’t know how to say it so that Fraser will believe him.

 

“I would’a kissed you under the mistletoe last year, Fraser, but it just wasn’t the right time. And I should’ve kissed you since then, but I didn’t want to mess up a good thing, you know? Because I like you Fraser, I _really_ like you, and if I went ahead and screwed things up by pushing too far then I’d kick myself forever.”

 

He doesn’t know if he’s getting through to Fraser, so reaches out and finds Fraser’s hand. In the dark, Fraser’s cold fingers close around his so fast, so tight, like they’ve been waiting for Ray’s and aren’t going to let go now. 

 

Finally, Fraser speaks. “You’re not -” Fraser has to stop to draw in a shaky breath, and Ray rubs his thumb across Fraser’s knuckles, urging him silently to carry on. “You’re not pushing too far, Ray.”

 

Ray lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. OK, he can do this, he hasn’t messed things up beyond belief, he can still wipe that sad look of Fraser’s face one way or the other. “So come home with me. Come home with me, and you can kiss me under the mistletoe for as long as you like, how about it?”

 

“And tomorrow?” Fraser asks, need and desperation still shadowed by caution. “I can’t - I don’t want - if this is just a one-off, Ray, I can’t -”

 

Ray squeezes Fraser’s hand tighter. “I’m not a one-off kinda guy, Fraser, thought you might have picked up on that by now. Tomorrow, you can still kiss me under the mistletoe, and the day after, and the day after, and the day after that, and -”

 

“Ray -”

 

“- and for all the days after that until the mistletoe comes down -”

 

“Ray, I underst-”

 

“-and then you can still kiss me, and we’ll do whatever else we want, alright, Fraser, are you getting this?”

 

A hint of a smile, a proper one this time, finally graces Fraser’s lips. “Yes. Ray -”

 

“Come home with me?”

 

Fraser covers Ray’s hand with his free one. “Yes.”

 

Ray can’t help grinning at him. They’re OK. _Fraser’s_ OK. Mostly. He still looks surprised, but Ray knows exactly how he feels, so that’s fair. “Yeah?”

 

“Yes,” Fraser replies, and he sounds perfectly firm when he adds, “In fact, I think you’ll find the light has just turned green.”

 

Ray tightens his fingers around Fraser’s once more, and then gets his hand back on the wheel. He doesn’t point out that the amount of time they’ve been there, it’s probably been around the cycle at least twice, and it’s pure luck that they’ve not got a ticket from a pissed-off beat cop who wasn’t invited to the party.

 

Nerves creep in on the way back. He’s actually going to do this with Fraser, they’re going back to Ray’s apartment with the express intention of making out, and he can’t quite wrap his head around that but he knows that he _definitely_ wants it. Every time they reach a stop sign, he can’t help glancing over at Fraser, and every time, Fraser’s already looking at him, like he’s not quite convinced that Ray’s actually going to go through with this. It’s a good thing they don’t have to stop too many times on the way back, or Ray would be tempted to just lean over and kiss the hell out of Fraser right there, just to convince him that he’s not going anywhere.

 

Outside Ray’s apartment, they sit in the car in silence for a moment, until Fraser looks over at him, and says quietly, “Ray…”

 

“I haven’t changed my mind,” Ray says at once. He knows he has to get that through to Fraser right now. “I meant everything I said. I want to kiss you, and a lot more than that, although not necessarily tonight, and I want it long-term, with you. If you’ll have me, I mean -”

 

“Yes,” Fraser says. “Yes, Ray. Yes. Can we… can we go upstairs now? Please?”

 

They take the lift, and Fraser stands just too-close to Ray all the way up, so that Ray can hear his not-quite-steady breaths right next to him. Going down the hallway, Fraser sticks close enough that they’re in danger of tripping over each other, and only steps back when they reach the door so that Ray can open it.

 

Inside, the door clicks shut behind them, and they stand just inside the doorway looking at each other. Ray throws his keys onto the table, and runs a hand through his hair as he looks around at his decidedly un-Christmassy apartment. “So, uh, I didn’t actually let my landlady put mistletoe in here,” he says as he turns back to Fraser - 

 

Who obviously really doesn’t care about any of that, because he’s stepping forwards right into Ray’s space, hands raising and then stopping either side of Ray’s shoulders as he looks at Ray with barely-hidden desperation in his gaze. They’ve both still got their jackets on, but Ray’s not cruel enough to make Fraser wait any longer. “Yeah,” he says, reaching out to put one hand on Fraser’s cheek, cool beneath his fingers. “Yeah, come on.”

 

With a groan, Fraser presses into Ray’s palm for a moment, and then he gets one hand around the back of Ray’s neck to pull him closer. 

 

As first kisses go, it’s not the best. First off they both try to go the same way, so they bump noses and foreheads, and Fraser’s forehead is pretty hard, thank you, ouch. Then when they get that bit sorted out, and finally get their mouths in the right places, Ray thinks they’re going for slow, but Fraser apparently is all for fast, which really doesn’t work. It’s clumsy and messy and beyond awkward, and it’d be funny if it wasn’t for the fact that Fraser’s so frustrated with it.

 

“Alright, it’s alright,” Ray says, as soothing as he can because one of them has to be, and it’s sure as hell not going to be Fraser. “How about -” And yeah, now they’re on the same page, because Ray gets his hands out of the way at the same time as Fraser reaches for him and gets ahold of Ray’s face, big hands holding him firmly in place. “Yeah,” Ray breathes, wrapping his arms around Fraser’s back and letting Fraser tilt his head to the side. “Yeah, go for it.”

 

This time, when Fraser’s mouth presses against his, Ray opens his mouth and lets Fraser in. With a low, relieved groan, Fraser’s thumbs stroke over Ray’s cheeks, and then his tongue sweeps in to press against Ray’s, while Ray grips Fraser’s jacket and holds on tightly. Fraser kisses like he’s been starving for it, hot and deep and fast, as if he’s never going to get enough of it, of _Ray_ , and Ray can feel the need echoing in him all the way down to his toes. Against him, Fraser is shaking, hands the only part of him that are steady where he holds Ray in place, and Ray thinks that maybe Fraser’s feeling it in his _bones_.

 

By the time Fraser lets up, Ray’s lips are tingling, and they’re both breathing fast. Fraser’s grip on him eases slightly, but he doesn’t go far. Resting his forehead against Ray’s, they breathe into the scant inches between them, and every so often Fraser goes back in to brush his lips against Ray’s, leaving a lick, a nip, never making it very far away before he comes back again.

 

As actual thought makes a slow return, Ray has a moment of realisation that this isn’t just about the kissing, it’s about Fraser being a guy who’s had way too little physical affection up until now. So he loosens his fingers where they’re going numb wrapped in Fraser’s jacket, and when Fraser startles and tightens his own grip in return, Ray calms him with quiet reassurances. “Not going anywhere, Fraser,” he murmurs, catching Fraser’s gaze as best he can when they’re too close to really focus on each other.

 

It seems to work though, because Fraser eases up enough so that Ray can get one arm up, and his hand around to the back of Fraser’s head. When Ray starts stroking gently through his hair, a soft, “Oh,” escapes Fraser, and his eyes close, the worry on his face fading into surprised pleasure, then soft contentment. Then Ray rubs his fingers against Fraser’s scalp, and a low, deep rumble comes out as well, while Fraser’s hands slip down to Ray’s neck and rest there.

 

“Good?” Ray asks, only a little bit smug, more just pleased that Fraser is finally starting to relax.

 

“Mmm,” Fraser says in reply, and leans in to press his lips to Ray’s cheek. Then he carries on, careful kisses landing all over Ray’s face, while Ray returns them slightly less accurately but with no less care to whatever part of Fraser he can reach. Fraser’s hair is soft against his fingers, and Ray would actually be pretty happy to carry on doing this for a while, but it only lasts until Fraser kisses Ray’s temple, gets a mouthful of hair and hair-gel, and draws back with a distinctly annoyed sound.

 

“Your hair gel doesn’t taste anything like it smells,” he tells Ray.

 

Not even trying to hold back his grin, Ray replies, “Is your poor tongue offended? Why don’t you come here and let me kiss it better?”

 

Humour and heat mingle in Fraser’s eyes, and he leans in quicker than Ray is prepared for. “Alright then,” he murmurs, just before he presses their mouths together again. It’s still Fraser kissing Ray, really, but he’s nowhere near as intense now, sinking into it slowly, letting Ray move to meet him this time. The remnants of the hair gel do taste pretty bad, but they disappear quick enough that it doesn’t matter, and then it’s just Fraser and Ray, and Fraser’s making sounds less like he needs this and more like he’s finally just enjoying it. There’s nothing wrong with need, as a rule, but Ray’s gotta admit that he’s glad Fraser’s has eased off, because it hadn’t exactly all been the good kind back there.

 

When Fraser draws back again, Ray decides that it’s probably OK now to suggest moving someplace other than the doorway. “Hey,” he murmurs. “How about we take this over to the couch?”

 

The sound Fraser makes isn’t all that enthusiastic. When he drops one arm to wrap around Ray, Ray laughs, and squeezes back. “You got something against my couch, Fraser?”

 

“No, Ray, of course not. It’s just… I’m rather enjoying this. I don’t want to… that is...”

 

“You just want to carry on kissing, right?” Fraser nods quickly, looking relieved that he doesn’t have to _tell_ Ray that. Ray squeezes the back of Fraser’s neck, and holds Fraser’s gaze. “I’m not going to push, Fraser, I promise. But I’ve been standing up all afternoon; I could do with getting out of these boots and taking a load off. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’ve actually got heating in here, so we should take our coats off before we overheat. Then we can sit on the couch, all warm and comfy, and make out for as long as you like. Whaddya say?”

 

The reluctance fades as Ray speaks, and Fraser’s nodding before Ray finishes. He’s less quick to let Ray go, giving him one long, lingering kiss, but then he steps back. Echoing Ray’s movements, he pulls off his jacket and kicks off his boots, leaving them both by the door. 

 

A hint of uncertainty creeps back in then, as he looks over at the sofa. Going on a hunch, Ray reaches out to take Fraser’s hand, and laces their now-warm fingers together. “You ever made out on a couch before, Fraser?”

 

“Er… no,” Fraser admits.

 

“Then you got a lot to look forward to.”

 

Fraser goes willingly enough when Ray tugs him over and nudges him to sit down. Ray’s just planning to sit next to him and lean over, but Fraser doesn’t let go of his hand, and pulls Ray insistently towards him. Surprised, but more than up for it, Ray kneels either side of Fraser and settles back on his thighs.

 

“Like this?” he asks, just to make sure.

 

“If it’s alright?”

 

Ray smirks. “Oh, yeah,” he says, shuffling carefully forwards until he’s leaning against all of Fraser’s warmth, legs and stomachs pressed together, and yeah other places too, but they’re not so important right now. Not with Fraser’s eyes going wide, and the full-body shudder he gives, like Ray does when he’s cold and gets in the shower, and that first blast of hot water is the best thing ever but his body can’t cope with it for a moment. Fraser looks like he’s feeling all of that, but better, and Ray knows how he feels because he can’t help pressing into Fraser just a little bit more and shivering a bit himself.

 

“Ray,” Fraser says, sounding almost lost. Moments later, his hands fumble their way up to rest on Ray’s back, and drag him closer, while Fraser tucks his head in next to Ray’s and makes a quiet, happy sound in Ray’s ear.

 

“All yours, Fraser,” Ray says, rubbing his hands down Fraser’s sides, pressing hard enough so that Fraser can definitely feel it through their clothes, slow motions that soothe the shivers until Fraser’s soft and loose beneath him. Then Fraser brings his head back to rest against the sofa cushions, and looks at Ray, murmuring out a “Please,” that isn’t a question, just a verbal nudge that Ray should be doing something else right now.

 

Having Fraser look at him like that, wanting and trusting at the same time, does things to Ray’s heart that stop his voice going any louder than a whisper. “Yeah,” is about all he can get out, as he lifts his hands to stroke across Fraser’s forehead, down his nose, across the hints of red over his cheekbones, watching in fascination as Fraser’s eyes flutter shut and he tilts his head into Ray’s touch. His lips part when Ray brushes his thumb over them, and all of a sudden Ray can’t wait any longer, just has to taste Fraser again even though he was doing that less than two minutes ago.

 

Hands curving around the back of Fraser’s head, he leans in, and kisses Fraser again. Slowly, because they didn’t get to do that earlier, and thankfully Fraser doesn’t seem to mind Ray taking his time. Instead he makes soft, cut-off sounds of pleasure into Ray’s mouth, breath catching with every careful touch of Ray’s lips to his own, then escaping all at once when Ray lingers and presses just slightly firmer. Ray’s got his eyes closed, can’t see Fraser, but he doesn’t need to, because between their mouths and their hands and their bodies, he knows just how Fraser’s feeling, what he wants, what he needs, what he likes and what he loves.

 

Light and careful turns into long and deep, Ray pressing Fraser back into the sofa, Fraser going easily and tilting his head back, like Ray’s mouth on his and Ray’s tongue in his mouth and Ray’s hands stroking over his neck, his shoulders, his arms, are just what he’s always wanted. His arms are firm around Ray, not holding him there, just holding _him_ , while his hands stroke random patterns over Ray’s back. Now he knows he’s allowed to touch, Ray guesses, Fraser’s gonna be doing it a lot. And yeah, not like Ray has any objections to that.

 

Eventually, inevitably, they have to call a halt to the making out. Unsteady breaths huff out between them as Ray lifts his head, and they look at each other. Fraser’s eyes blink slowly open, wide and dark beneath mussed hair, his face soft and fuzzy before Ray manages to focus on him. Then Ray smiles, because Fraser’s expression is still soft, flushed and open with pleasure, lips red and wet, a hint of wonder on his face as he looks at Ray.

 

“Hey,” Ray says, voice slightly rough.

 

“Hi,” Fraser replies, voice similarly hoarse. He lifts his fingers to his mouth, pressing them to his lips and wincing slightly, then reaches out to do the same to Ray.

 

“Yeah,” Ray says, and presses a kiss to the tips of Fraser’s fingers before catching them in his hand and drawing them away. “Too much making out will do that to you. Don’t worry, you’ll be fine tomorrow, we can do this all again.”

 

A small but undeniably happy smile appears on Fraser’s face. “I’d like that,” he says softly. Slowly, he draws their joined hands towards them, and echoes Ray’s gesture of a moment ago. Ray’s heart does that jumpy thing again, and he leans in to hug Fraser awkwardly with one arm, holding on tight and getting held in return, until he feels like he might be able to get actual words out.

 

“Yeah,” he says into Fraser’s ear, knowing he sounds way-too-emotional but not caring. “Me, too.”

 

Fraser squeezes tighter, and they sit there like that for so long that Ray starts to go numb where he’s pressed against Fraser, which is quite a lot of his body. It’s obvious neither of them wants to let go though, and it’s getting late anyway, so Ray figures the sensible solution is the one that involves them not having to go too far away from each other for the next eight hours or so. 

 

After some debate about what Fraser’s going to wear to bed, having not brought his longjohns along, they find sweatpants and a t-shirt that don’t cling too tightly, and Fraser agrees to stay the night. In the bed, he settles down with his back to Ray, reaches behind him, and gets hold of Ray’s hand to pull him closer. Smiling into Fraser’s back, Ray drags the covers up around their necks, puts his arm around Fraser’s waist, and curls around him. With a soft sigh, Fraser laces their fingers together and murmurs a sleepy ‘Good night’.

 

“Night, Fraser,” Ray murmurs in return.

 

As first nights together go, it’s the tamest and most devoid of funny business that Ray’s ever had. It’s also warm and full of Fraser, relaxed and solid against Ray, content to be held in Ray’s arms while he sleeps, which means that it’s pretty much the best first night ever in Ray’s opinion.


End file.
